That's right, I'll let that sink in for a while, since It took me forever to believe it was actually happening. She came to The Forum in Bath to talk about her new book and was every bit as amazing as I expected her to be.
She's honest, and funny and caring. I could go on and on about what she said or what the book is about but I would not be able to do it justice. Also, being the selfish person that I am, I want to talk about myself.
After the talk she had agreed to sign a copy of The Casual Vacancy for everybody that wanted one. Being in the farthest rows I was one of the last people to get it. So I had enough time to psyche myself out, to nearly vomit several times, threaten a few heart attacks and convince my friend that I am absolutely bat-shit crazy. When we started lining up I had already decided what I wanted to say to her, it was just simple and I edited in my head a bunch of times so it wouldn't be too long, or not sound rude or anything like that. At the leading up to it I actually rehearsed the line in my head over and over again.
I finally walked up to the table, looked at her straight in the eyes and couldn't do it. The words didn't come out, and I felt so vulnerable and rushed and confused I couldn't say anything. What I wanted to say was personal, and really important to me, and I couldn't do it in front of a thousand strangers.
I had one chance and I fucked it up.
I'm not dwelling on it though. I count myself lucky to have been able to be there, to meet a person I idolize so much that I am actually rendered speechless (for those of you who know me in real life, that is indeed a feat). It was a once in a life time thing and I although it didn't go as planned I did manage to squeak out a "thank you", and after all that was all I really wanted to say.
M.
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