I was reading this amazing post by one of my favorite bloggers, Bryarly Bishop, who is not only a very good writer but is also going thru some of the same stuff I am going thru at the moment and she sometimes puts it so perfectly that I am compelled to re-evaluate my entire life.
I graduated college a little over a year ago, and I am the proud owner of a bachelor's degree in Political Science. I also now work at a bookstore in the mall for minimum wage 6 days a week. Needless to say, I am not living the life.
Problem is, I don't know what kind of life to I want to lead, as Bryarly puts it in her post while young goals are very easily spelled out for us, once you graduate they become too broad and we're not left with many instructions on how to do it. So now, you have this human who is really good at planning and preparing for something, yet there is nothing to prepare for. Or too much of it. Either way I am stuck doing nothing.
Another thing, for some reason it is socially acceptable for people to ask recent graduates what their plans are after college and to offer them advice. Now don't get me wrong, I could use all the help I can get, but it is exhausting and discouraging to have people ask me everyday what my plans are, and time after time I have to sigh and say "I don't know" and they proceed to tell me what I should do without a single consideration about what I want to do. It feels like the emotional equivalent of strangers going up to pregnant women and rubbing their bellies. My hopes and dreams for the future are my own and if I am not willingly sharing them with you, maybe its because I have nothing to share. Also, if you're a stranger don't touch me.
2013 has been good to me, and although a little lost and stumbling a little bit, its the first time in my life I felt free enough to invest in projects that have been looming in the back of my head for some time. It feels like shooting at all directions in the hopes that I'll hit something, but at the same time it feels like releasing all this pent up energy, all this frustration of not knowing where to go or what to do. Hopefully I am making up some room for something that will work out, something for which I will fall in love, like in a movie, where time will stop and I'll just know that is what I want to do for the rest of my life.