Down the Rabbit Hole.

On December 16 2013 it will be two years since I graduated college, and I’m still astounded by how much I changed in such a short period of time.

I graduated a semester early so at the end of winter break when all my friends were going back I felt incredibly lost. The experience always reminded me that scene in “Alice in Wonderland” when she falls through the rabbit hole, sometimes fast, sometimes slow, with no concept of what is up or down. She can’t see the bottom, she can’t see the top, and has nothing to hold on to. That’s what graduating felt like for me. I couldn’t go back, I couldn’t stop myself from falling and I sure as hell couldn’t see what was waiting for me.

After the initial anxiety passed and I made some tough but much needed decisions I reminded myself of what happens next in the movie, she gets to Wonderland. And it’s crazy and nonsensical but it also, for lack of a better term, wonderful. Filled with fantastic things that are new and curious. For somebody who was so keen on living adventures and seeing the world the prospect of Wonderland is like waiting for Christmas morning.

I can’t say I’ve figured out this new land and I’m confortable with it and the new rules, but I’m having a great time finding out, meeting people (some mad, some madder) and finding out about myself.

So maybe I found it accidentally, maybe it was where I was headed all along, but finding Wonderland is so worth throwing yourself down the rabbit hole.

M.

Writing

   It is no secret that I love to read. I'm a chain-reader. I read to live. And I've recently stated  I will run out of air before I run out of books. I love it too much to put it in words, and maybe I'll write another post about it, but for now I'll just leave it nicely resumed by one of the best Twitter accounts I follow.

   What I love just as much, but don't partake in with nearly as much frequency as I should/like is writing. I've been keeping journals since I was in 5th grade. I don't write anything important of even coherent in them. I also don't read them back. I write short-stories, and have begun several novels, none of which I've been able to bring to a conclusion, I don't mean to share or publish them, for now. 

    I just write for the sake of writing.

    I write because I have control of the story. I write fiction because I can take something that happened to me that day, and transform into the situation I wish had happened. I can write about situations that didn't happen anywhere else other than my head. I write non-fiction because I believe I'm truly special, a singular snow-flake type deal, and that what happens to me need to be remembered, and told.

   I write characters that I can identify with and are natural to me, and I write characters I puzze over for months. I write people I wish were my best friends and people I've wanted to kill in the page just for the satisfaction of making them not exist anymore. 

   I write so I don't become a consumer only. Somebody who just takes and take without ever giving back. I write so when I criticize a book or a story I'm not just finding flaws in the world, but so I can learn the process and know what and how to criticize. I'm doing it because if you think you can do it better, you should. Even if it's not really.

   I write so there are always things to read.

M.

Tough decisions

   I've been dealing recently with some tough questions regarding my job and possible career.

   What do you do when the job you currently work on conflicts with your morals, but you really need the money?

   Nobody is making me do anything I don't want, but there are some practices of my firm that although perfectly legal don't sit well with me.

   Sadly I really need the money, and unfortunately grad school is getting more expensive by the minute. So I'll stay, and not say anything against it because I don't want to lose my job. The compromise I've made is that I'm not going to build a career here, nor will I rely on my current bosses to provide me with recommendations along the way. This way my conscience can be a little at peace, although it nags me from time to time.

    It got me wondering about people who really need the money, for their basic needs like feeding their families and paying their mortgage, and the things they have to put up with. Or as my dad says "swallowing the frog". As much as I want to go to grad school, I won't die or be homeless if I don't go, so the day I can't handle this anymore I can just get up and say "fuck it", hop on my high horse and gallop away.

   What do you guys do when faced with choices like that?

M.

My (emphasis on the MY) Halloween Costume Rules

   I love Halloween, it is not only a fantastic, magical "holiday" but also the usher to Thanksgiving and Christmas, which are also favorites of mine.

   Having grown up in a different country my idea of Halloween, specially my very first one, where somewhat distant from the real thing as I only had movies and tv shows to base my so called knowledge on. As time went by I've managed to approach my perceptions with reality, without losing too much of what made it special for me. The main thing being my choice for costumes and the rules I choose to follow in picking one out.

   Disclaimer: this is not a rant or me wanting to impose any of the "rules" on anybody, these are just the guidelines I like to go with when picking a halloween costume. When it comes to yours, do whatever you want, I'm not your mother.


So without further adue, here are my rules.

1. Nothing sexy.

Is nothing sacred anymore?!

    I am not particularly comfortable with the idea of being sexy, specially because it often involves little clothing and October is a cold month. Also sometimes these sexy costumes just ruin some dear characters to me and are often things I can't unsee. So if you like to wear lingerie out on a cold October night, be my guest, but I'll skip on that, thanks.

2. Something I will wear again.
    Halloween costumes are expensive, I've followed this through high school but it didn't become a rule until college where I had to fend for myself and make the decision between paying $60+ for something I'd wear once. I may not be the Belle at the ball, but I dressed up as Alex DeLarge, three years ago and those are still one of my favorite pants.

3. Something original.
    I'm not the most creative person out there, and you'll be hard pressed to find me in any "best costumes ever" list, but I like for my friends to be able to find me for my costume when I tend to Irish Goodbye them. "Have you seen the sexy school girl?" just doesn't narrow it down.

So that's it, three simple guidelines that make my October worth living and the anticipation of Halloween that much more exciting.

Would love to hear if you have any rules for yourself, and if you already know what you'll be this year.

M.

p.s. In case you were wondering, I'm dead set on being Baljeet from Phineas & Ferb.

Books!

It shouldn't come as a surprise to anybody who knows me that I love books.

I simply adore them. I prefer the company of books to people. If you're ever stuck on what to get me for a present you can never go wrong with a book or a notebook. Even if its something I've already read, or doesn't seem like its my taste, I'll always give any book a chance.

So it is no wonder that I'm particularly fond of Neil Gaiman's (one of my favorite authors) All Hallows Read. It is an amazing idea that will become tradition in ten years time, and I'm excited to be part of its beginnings.

The gist of it? Give somebody a scary book for halloween. Something spooky and bone chilling that they can read on a scary night. Give it to lots of somebodys, give it do a stranger, doesn't matter.

Although candy and fake blood are important there with the overwhelming amount of slutty costumes I feel like the scary is getting pushed out of halloween. So I've committed myself to making this a tradition.

Would love to know some book recommendations for all ages on the matter.

M.

Stories that need to be told.

While its no secret that I love to whine about my job, this isn't one of the times where I talk about how about what other people are doing things much cooler than what I do. Ok, maybe it is.

   One of my best friends is getting her master's in social work and working at Bedford Hills Correctional Facility, I'll admit, my first reaction was less than stellar, along the lines of "oh... so you're working in jail? that's... interesting...or something?" but on further thought I realised that being the sucker for stories the way I am, I was missing out on this endless pool of tales that have just been waiting to be told.

   So I'm really happy that she started a blog about the inmates stories, as well as some of her own, and knowing her like I do I know her passion will fizzle out quickly, so I just want to do a bit of promotion here, and wherever possible to positively reinforce her into keep writing these stories, sharing what needs to be shared and showing the world that these women are in fact survivors, and not the monsters we all assume.

Give it a go.

M.

Quitting my Bitching.

   A while a go I made a promise to myself that I would complain less about things. To anyone who knows me, this is virtually impossible as I spend 97% of my awake moments complaining about one thing or another.

  

  Since I love money I decided that would be my motivator, and for every day that I complained I'd have to donate a dollar to a charity, or any cause that could use the help. Mainly when I complain I need to remind myself that I'm lucky to be healthy, loved and with enough money to not just afford my basic needs but a few luxuries as well. So when I'm bitching about something I make a little note on my planner and I have to donate a certain amount.

  I just donated $25 for the month of August for Teenage Cancer Trust, and you can do so here. Weird thing is, it feels pretty good to do something, as small as this, for somebody else. Maybe I'll continue to complain just to add that little bit to world.

Best,

M.

Experiment!

   I will be moving house (again!) next weekend, and I'll be renting a room at the house of an older woman who doesn't have wi-fi (!). She said she doesn't want use it and has no need for it, but if I pay for it she has no problems with installing a router in the house.
 
   Which is when I came up with the idea, of testing out my will power.

   I will go on for three months without internet at my house. And if at the end of it I am dying, I'll just call for help and have somebody install it, after all it doesn't take that long.

   It's not as daring as I'd like it to be, since I do have wi-fi at work, where I spend most of my time, and free range to navigate every page I want to. So this will just curb my weekend and night-time cruising. I don't think I'm debilitatingly addicted to tumblr or this blog (specially if you judge by how often I post) but I do like to be connected to twitter and youtube.

  I'm excited about it, mainly because I don't think it'll be that big of a challenge. I like to read for fun and I'm pretty content with going for walks or just being outside, so hopefully that'll spark a little bit more of that. Maybe I'll even begin going to the gym. (gasp).

  I guess this post is a little pointless, but then again, aren't them all? It just one of those days when I had the itches to write and had nothing to write about so I'm just blurting words out. So sorry about that.


M.

Making Sacrifices

   Almost all my life I've been working towards being location independent. Hasn't happened it yet, but I slowly but surely cut ties here and there to things that could keep me in one place for too long. I do this because I want to travel. I want to travel on a whim and be able to just lock up behind me and not have to think if I've got somebody to watch the dog, or water the plants, or somewhere to forward my bills to. I just want to lock up and go.

   Ironically, yesterday I applied for a tourist visa to another country I was planning on going this Christmas and it got denied specifically for that reason. I do not have strong enough ties anywhere that prove to them that I wouldn't just stay in that country.

  Which is fine, the person who interviewed me was very open and honest about it, and I'm not holding he/she personally responsible for anything. But it did get me thinking about the things I'm willing to sacrifice for that need of freedom and to literally not be tied down and feel like any gust  of wind could take me anywhere. And yes, it is so worth it.

  It is a mild inconvenience to have been said no to, but now I get to do one of my favorite things, and plan a new trip to someplace else. I can use the money for that trip (which I considered gone by the time I decided to go) for a different one, maybe go see my family. Maybe go someplace I've never been.

I'm excited. It's cliché to say it, but sometimes not getting what you wanted is exactly what you needed. I was bummed out about it for all of yesterday. Today, I hit the stores for some new travel guides.

M.

I like clothes.

Anyone who knows me can tell you that I have more clothes than people should, and I like to buy shoes when I'm feeling down. Which does become a hindrance when I'm trying to find an apartment (as I am at the moment) and it needs to be big enough to fit all my shit.

In a meeting at work (of all places) I was introduced to Fashiolista, an internet fashion community where you can save your loved items, see what other people are liking and etc etc. It's great and I'd give it a look-see if you are into this kind of thing.

I have recently created a profile, and being an online shopping addict that I am, I thought I'd start posting my recent buys there. You may have noticed my new side bar item, that's where my things will be.

So that's it really, those are my clothes, if you'd want to follow me please feel free. And check out Fashiolista.

Best,

M.

It's just love!

Following along with the awesome things that have happened to me this year... JOHN GREEN JUST REBLOGGED ME!

I posted this on my tumblr about a month ago, of this really cool thing the editor for Will Grayson, Will Grayson did regarding the publishing of the book here in Brazil, and in an awesome game of "make John Green find the thing" he has found it! And reblogged it from me! You can see the original post here, or you can see his reblog here.

It is awesome to see the world being spread and activity on my tumblr has gone through the roof. Mainly thanks to our awesome sauce Brazilian nerdfighters. You guys are amazing!

M.

I vow, from here on out, to Douche Shame

I am really proud to work for an association where the top three spots are filled by women. I admire our president, our director and our executive manager for breaking through the glass ceiling and working in an environment mostly dominated by men.

Today we are having a very important assembly at the office, composed of about 50 people, give or take, about a third of which are women. The set up of this assembly is similar to that of a class room, with rows of chairs set up facing a single direction. Most people prefer to sit by the door leaving the harder to reach places to those who arrive late.

Three women arrived late and had to walk across the space to reach those empty chairs, at this point a particular asshole-type decided to WOLF WISTLE as each of them made their way quietly across the room in hopes of not disturbing the meeting that was in place.

Just to be clear: there is a man currently sitting in my office who thinks its ok to WOLF WISTLE at women who are equal to him in professional, social and assumed intelligence status (although I'm starting to second guess the third), THREE different times.

As the lowly office assistant who cannot afford to lose her job due to student loans, I couldn't bring myself to speak up. I can blame my silence on many other factors of the society and my position, but in truth I failed my feminist instincts and now I'm ashamed of it.

No other person pronounced themselves which only makes me regret even more that I didn't say a word, and was only able to give him a disapproving look of disgust, which I'm sure he didn't notice.

So this is my vow to you people, that I will not be quiet next time I find myself in a similar situation. I am putting this to my few, but beloved readers, and the internet to hold me accountable to shame douche bags like that whenever I come in contact with them.

M.

Using my wit for Evil.

I am a very witty person, sometime my comebacks are so good I would like to give myself a pat on the back. (Ok, maybe not so much, but I am confident in my well-thought, quick fire answers). The problem is I don't use it to put any good into the world.

On the contrary, I tend to use to make it suck more.

I am a lot better at coming up with insults and compliments. When somebody pisses me off, what immediately comes out of my mouth is "pie-eating cock goblin", but when somebody does something good for me I respond with something like "you're so... nice!" Really? Nice?! I couldn't come up with anything better?

I pride myself on my vocabulary, and I could have said that person was generous, kind or the best thing to happen to me since slided bread, but I went with nice.

I'm not sure if this is just another way in which I am a product of my generation, or how the internet had ruined me for life or what. I've just realised my twitter feed contains about 7 complaints/insults to every 1 good-natured thing I have to say. Also, those 7 tweets are much more interesting, funny and well thought out than the 1 outlier.

M.

New Obsession Alert!

   So I find that this is a common thing on the internet, or maybe I just tend to socialize with like-minded people, but people don't just like things. They're obsessed.

   When I have a new interest it is my top priority on getting as much information as fast as possible, becoming an overnight expert on a new tv show, an athlete's career or that new book I just finished. They are usually short lived; they burn bright, but they burn fast.

   I will sacrifice sleep in order to watch every single video there is on YouTube about that thing, I will read as many news articles as I can sneak during my work hours, and I will most certainly follow at least 5 Twitter accounts that are related to that thing. Some would consider it borderline stalking. And I will share that information with anybody who is around long enough to hear me say "so I have a new obsession." It annoys my friends, my family members and co-workers, but after the first weekend of "did you knows" I'm usually able to direct my attention to Tumblr.

  Some people seem concerned, my therapist said it was a healthy thing since I have a novelty-seeking personality. Everybody has an opinion. But as long as I'm not hurting myself or others, I say let it be.

What about you, my chers, who obsessive or unobsessive are you? About what?

M.

Buzzfeed gets me

something Good for something Great

   I feel like I talk a lot about my job lately, but being in the office (or work related things) from 9am-6pm everyday (and sometimes on the weekends) there's rarely other things in my life worth talking about. (Which is sad.. I know, I know.)

  What has been swirling in my mind lately is how often I get job "offers" while doing things for the job I currently have. I get to meet very interesting and influential people who somehow fall for my smoke and mirror tricks of thinking I'm a competent young professional.  I've been offered "job security" here and there, and one particular gentleman has jokingly placed bids on my future salary with my boss over a couple drinks.

  I'm aware that those are not official job offers and I'd be stupid to jump into any conclusions from these simple matter of fact statements. At the same time, though, people don't need to say those things to me, and I'm tempted to find that there is something true in those words, that they'd at least pay a little more attention to my resume if I decided to send it in.

  But then I remind myself that I'm leaving for London in 15 months to pursue my dream of living there and getting my master's, which is what I've wanted forever. I don't want to accept an awesome job that I'll have to quit shortly just because I have something awesomer (sorry, I know) coming along.

  In the confused mental state that will last all of my 20s (and probably continue from there on) it is a hard choice to be faced with, specially in the occasions when things at my current job aren't as pleasant as I'd like them to be, and my novelty seeking personally is already yearning for a new city and new faces.

 It would be great if all the world's problems were as terrible as my own.

But I'm interested to know, how often do you guys have to give up something good for something you know is better, specially when that thing might be in the not so near future?

M.

On meeting people I look up to.

   So if you read this blog, you know all about my J.K. Rowling fiasco, if you don't, click the link to find out how I choked in front of one of my biggest idols. Spoilers, I choke.

   This past week I was in France for the Cannes Lions festival, and it was amazing. The festival itself, the networking opportunities and so on and so forth. But I have to admit what I liked the most about it was meeting people I look up to.

  Before heading off to France I saw that the Sorted boys tweeted about being there and lost my mind momentarily. Then I tweeted them, all nonchalant, and invited them to come to our lounge and try some caipirinhas. To which they replied. (Be still my fangirl heart.) Long story short, after some mild (or not so much) stalking on my part I did get to meet them and they were as lovely as anybody would expect. I also got to meet Dan and Phil who are a lot taller than I imagined but just as lovely!

   What I learned from my sad sad story with J.K. Rowling was that even if I was nervous or starstruck I better get ahold of myself quickly, because I could be missing out on some very interesting conversations with really top notch people. Regardless of how much I look up to them, or how successful they are, as I curled up into a ball at that theatre in Bath and cried in front of strangers I promised myself I would never miss opportunities like that again.
And I didn't!

M.

SortedFood boys enjoying a Caipirinha at the FilmBrazil Lounge - Cannes Lions 2013

 

Doing it anyways...

   So it's no secret that one of my favorite blogs is All Groan Up, it is funny, insightful and just plain old good read. I was particularly chuffed when I learned Paul (who follows me on twitter, cough cough) was releasing his book, 101 Secrets for your Twenties.

   It was particularly great to see that he had set up a contest for his readers to become part of the book, submitting their own secret that either got them through their twenties or is helping them now. So I wrote something.

   In all fairness, maybe "wrote" is putting it nicely, I jotted something down and sent over, without thinking too much about it. I find that my best writing comes out as "mind-vomit", and I can ruin a text like nobody's business by overediting and over thinking the main idea. I have no expectations to be published or even picked as the top 100 of all the submissions  because of the lack of effort I put into it. But I did it anyways, because I love to write, and would have done it even if this contest didn't exist at all.

   So that's the topic for today, boys and girls, not what have you done lately that you expected no results, but why did you do it anyways?

M.

Business Etiquette of the Digital Generation

   I have recently been reprimanded by a former boss about not thanking him/her properly after he/she helped get my current and very exciting job.

   I was very puzzled by this, for I made a point of writing him/her an e-mail literally as soon as the interview was over. I was so thankful for this opportunity and I felt like I expressed that on a very well thought out e-mail. Only to learn, months later, that he/she was expecting a hand written card and flowers.

  Now, here's some important details to this story. I live in a different country than this former boss, I have also just graduated college so it is universally known that I am broke, and to top it all off, I am 22 years old.

  So my question is, when was the last time you hand wrote a letter?

  I could get into the point of how we communicate only electronically now and things lose their values etc. But the point I'm trying to make is that I didn't send them an email because I didn't care, on the contrary, I meant to express my gratitude as fast as I could.

  Is my generation missing all the lessons of business etiquette or have the practices just changed and some people haven't adapted to it? I find it antiquated to send them flowers that will die after two weeks of serving no purpose, but maybe I am in the wrong and should have bough a card, hand written it, then posted it so they could get my thanks 2 to 3 weeks later?

What is your take on this?

M.

The Purple Pack

For Halloween 2010 I dressed up as Dora the Explorer.

I made a quick run to Wal-Mart and purchased a purple backpack for $5, and I haven't parted with it since.

It is deceivingly big and can comfortably hold everything I need for a 5 day trip. It fits my life so perfectly I have used it as a purse, as a school bag and my permanent travel companion. It has been with me to New York, DC, Florida, Colorado, Texas, California, Illinois and all of the UK.

The Purple Pack in Arthur's Seat, Edinburgh, Scotland. 

It has developed a personality of its own, I like to think that it has changed as much as I have with  the things it's seen and experienced. The pins and doodles are each scars and stories of each new place. I have been keeping journals since I was in 5th grade and I like to have a notebook specific for each trip. (Post about it to come later). But this backpack is a collection of all the stories, it is sort of a friend who was there with me through every trip.

I could get a newer, better one. With more space and better design with comfortable straps. But I don't want it. Just like my old beat up Converse, it has been with me everywhere, it was there when I stopped making excuses for staying put ("not enough money, not old enough, don't know anybody, still in school" you've heard them all) and I like to think that Dora's spirit did dawn on me with this backpack and I finally started exploring.

It became a sort of running joke with my friend Carmela, when she followed my lead and dressed up as Dora in 2011, acquiring for herself a purple pack of her own. Amongst many things, we share the love of travel, and now a recent graduate, I hope she gets a bit of the explorer spirit herself.

M.

The joys of planning.

For somebody who loves being spontaneous and care-free I have the habit of planning way too much. I guess what I like most about it is actually getting the chance to fulfill my plans and than just throw them out the window. For example, I recently went to the UK for three weeks and I was so excited I didn't know what to do with myself. I spent my last few days at work looking over travel guides just to pass the time, and I had a huge list of things I wanted to see and do. I didn't do a single one of those. I actually wrote down a physical list that was with me all the time while I was in the UK and although I looked at it frequently, I didn't tick off a single box. And it was amazing. Now that I have some free time before my next adventure I can't help but wanting to plan more things. In 2015 I will go on a round the world trip for year to celebrate getting my master's, even though after getting a master's I'll definitely not have enough money to go to the park, let alone around the world. But I'm planning for it, and it's gonna be grand. What are some big plans you guys loved actively ignoring? M. p.s. my new shirt came in and I love it. Even more bc it matches my blog backgroun.

I'm a Dandelion!

   Sometimes people give these amazing talks that just click so deeply inside that I feel obliged to blog about it. And sometimes it makes me want to do even more than that.

   I admire people who have the guts to try out things, that have an idea and stick to it, whether it seems likely to work out or not. I also like to pretend I am one of those people, I just haven't had my big idea yet, but when I do I'm not gonna let the world tell me no.
   Well, that's right, I won't let the world tell me no, because I'll already have done that for myself. It doesn't have to be a big idea, hell it doesn't even have to be a good one. I am great at not doing things, not because I think they won't work out, or they'll back fire, but because I think they won't matter. But I need to be ok with that.
  I am still surprised I've stuck with this blog for as long as I have, seeing that it is not immensely popular, and it sure doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, but I love it and I'm glad I spread this little seed. And that's what I want to talk about, the awesomeness of trying things. Neil Gaiman is one of the people I most admire and he gave this amazing talk at the 2013 London Book Fair about the future of publishing. It's awesome and I encourage anybody to make time to watch it.

   
I've read and loved the Calendar of Tales,  and when the art part came around I actually wanted to make something for it, but didn't because I'm not really artistic and this and that. And so many other excuses I use for so many other things in my life. BUT NO MORE! Because I am a Dandelion! and its about time I've started acting as such.

  I created a folder on my desktop called Projects and I downloaded one of Neil's narrative of my favorite story, because even though video submissions are done, I still want to make one, so I will. I also decided to give another shot at something I had failed quite miserably a couple months ago, in a different town. Those are just two, but I've got plenty more seeds that I've been hoarding for myself in the hopes 1993 comes back, and that has been a waste of some good 22 years.

M.

By Jove, I've got it!

   So last night I met the guy responsible for this little gem.

   Regardless of how you feel about the ad, the representation of women, the sincerity of Dove's actions etc. You can't deny that this is a pretty effective piece of marketing. Therefore the person who came up with this concept was very successful at it. And he's no older than 30, pushing it.

  At the ripe age of 22 I found myself really excited that young people are being recognized in large scales, and then I got down on myself for never even having come close to achieving anything noteworthy. I then went on over all the arguments in my head about not comparing myself to other people etc etc.

   Today I woke up with a spring in my step and the attitude to take on whatever the world threw at me. And by jove, I've got it. My next project! It is going to be a series of odd end jobs, mostly freelance, to help me pay for grad school and the trips I wanna make. But also to build some more than necessary life-experience, and open my eyes a little bit.

  I'm excited about it, and can now stop moping about not knowing where my life is going or not knowing what I want to do for a career.


  How about you, my darlings, what do you want to achieve with a little extra spring in your step?

M.

11 questions every 20 something needs to ask, and my answers.

   One of my favorite blogs, All Groan Up, has these 11 fantastic questions that every 20 something needs to ask themselves, and having woken up with the nagging "what now?" in my head for the last two years I thought it was about time I started asking different questions, since I obviously don't have the answers to that one yet.

Do the people I'm surrounded by bring me life?

   I'm not certain how to answer this. I feel like I surround myself with such a mixture of people that I can't make any generalisation about any of them. But I often find myself giving advice and pushing my friends through rough times, to get them motivated to do things and chase their dreams. So in a way yes, they do bring me life, but I feel like it comes from me when I try to breathe some into them.

Who inspires me the most?

   I guess the people I want to emulate the most are young professionals/entrepreneurs who made a career out of blogging or youtube or something of the sort. Not that I myself want to become a professional blogger, but I admire people who have stuck with things that aren't conventional careers, or the ones that the older generation look at and say "why don't you get a real job?" and I admire them for sticking to it and following their passion.

What are my favorite stories?

   I like crazy stories of things that happen to absolutely ordinary people. If I had to find a common thread between my top favorite movies, it would be that the main plot device is something interesting, or life changing that happens to normal people. The sort of thing that I walk around the street thinking, it could happen to me too.

Would I want to live with me?

   Absolutely. I pride myself in being fun loving and thrill seeking and those are the characteristics I'd look for somebody to live with. It ties back with the previous answer, perfectly normal people who want to live extraordinary lives.

Do I love from my insecurities or do I love from my strengths?

   A little bit of both I'd say, but mostly out of my insecurities.

Where am I ripe with talent and where do I quickly deflate?

   I am argumentative, I am a good listener. I am very empathic and can relate well to other people's feelings. I am spontaneous and courageous when it comes to new things. None of them are real talents though.

What are my favorite hobbies/things I do for fun, and is there something there I can leverage into a career or product?

   No. I like to read, but I'm a terrible writer. I like to listen to music, but I don't sing or dance. I like to be on tumblr but mainly just reblogging things and never creating them. I'm too much of a consumer and not enough of a creator.

What is the main thing that is holding me back?

   Lack of patience. I don't have enough patience to let things develop into what they need to be, I don't wait until things are ripe for the picking so I often either pick them too soon or forget about the completely.

What are my negotiables and non-negotiables?

   I am willing to live anywhere, and I refuse to take a job that will pin me down to just one place. I want to have a job that I can do from anywhere in the world, when a whim strikes to travel and see new things I can do that without having to schedule it months in advance, or wait until I have my days off, etc.

What breaks my heart?

   Being stuck in one place. 

At 29 years and 364 days, if I accomplished just one thing, what do I want it to be?

   To have been to every continent at least once.

What about you guys? Anybody out there struggling with the quarter-life crisis of your twenties? What would be your answers to some of these questions?

M.

On slowing down

   I think I suffer from this generational disorder of speed. Everything has to be done immediately, and if I have to wait for more than a few seconds for something I find myself getting angry. Things, particularly information, can be, and often are, at my disposal the instant I demand them.

   So I have a hard time slowing down. I don’t mean the kind of slow down to appreciate life and walk in the park. I do just fin on those occasions. But I mean the slowing down of dedicating time to doing something. Focusing my attention to a single task that although can be done very quickly through a series of computerized shortcuts should most likely be done slower and more precisely by human hands.

   Even as I write this post, I am compiling a massive amount of data to be sent over to a client, so he can look and approve it before we can produce it. And that is fine, it is better and more efficient to send the files to him digitally, but what my mind is incompetent of doing is just relaxing for a bit while that task finishes. At no point did I think I should just sit here and stare at the screen for the little download bar to fill up. My immediate thought was “I know! I can use this time to blog! I’ve neglected it for a while.” The curse of the multi-tasker. 

   So here I am. Unable to stop, unable to be still. Not doing a thing.

   How about you? Can you take the time to wait for a task to finish before you star another?

M.

Short Term Projects

   I am bad at waiting. If there is something I am looking forward to I can't help but obsess over every single detail paying an indecent amount of attention to it, and some times changing plans entirely just because I had too much time to mull it over. I find myself in one of those situations. I have big big plans that are to come to fruition in about a years time, and now we play the waiting game. Which is torture.

   The solution I came up for this problem is the distraction tactic. While I wait for my long term projet to come about I need to make several short term ones (STPs). Learn a skill, give myself a reading challenge, volunteer, create something, travel. They tend to vary based on the amount of time I need to fill up, otherwise I'll just find myself wasting my life by crossing off days on the calendar, days I could have been using for something else.

   So now its the drawing board for me, I have no idea what this STP will be, but just the prospect of it makes me excited. Any ideas are welcome.

How do you deal with long term anticipation?

M.

p.s. seemingly unrelated song, but I love it and have been listening to it non-stop.

My big leap.

   These are my thoughts to Carrie Fletcher's video about taking chances and big risks.

   But I am currently in the midst of preparing to make the biggest leap of my life, so far. I am moving to a different country by myself. I think I've been taking this into baby steps, and this was the next rational action. I have moved around before, I have moved countries with my family, I have moved by myself to a new town. I have traveled abroad by myself before. All in preparation for this.

   Ok, so it's not as immediate as I'm making it out to be, but I know for certain it is the thing I most want to do right now. I have a pretty good job that I've grown to love, I have reconnected with friends I haven't seen in over 8 years and I'm getting closer to my family. But at the same time I am willing to trade that for this move.

  I applied and been accepted to a very prestigious school in England for a master's program and I have no hesitation whatsoever about accepting it. I am going to work as hard as I can to save up some money to pay for it myself without being a strain on my parents, so that is also another sacrifice I am willing to make since I could be using this money for more immediate pleasures. And I know this will be so very worth it.

   I'd love to know what are some big leaps you might have taken, wanted to take, plan on taking. And whatever they are I wish you good luck.

Best,

M.

   p.s. no this blog has not become a "I respond to YT videos" thing, it's just I really wanted to write more than the comment section would let me.

My happy list.

   It is often pointed out to me how much I complain about things. I like to think that I have been getting better in that sense from a few years ago, although I have a lot of progress yet to make. 

   Inspired by Ze Frank, I decided to make a list of  of the small things that make me happy. I'm not gonna lie, it was one of the hardest things I've had to do in a while. I don't stop to think about these things often enough, and could not come up with a list from the top of my head. I started this post on Saturday (23/03) and could only post it today, after making a conscious effort of noticing what small things in my daily life make me happy.

• going out of my way to step into puddles when I'm wearing rain boots.
• warming up my feet under my computer when I'm cold.
• particularly well worded sentences.
• hearing that pop of air when you open a vacuum sealed container.
• smell of new books.
• Grandma's "bolinhos de chuva"
• puns
• being right when you guess the end of a movie/book/tv show
• being wrong when you guess the end of a movie/book/tv show
• a new page on a notebook

   It was a fun exercise and I recommend it to anybody who would like to try. What about you, what's on yours list?

M. 

p.s. for an explanation about the little blood bag next to the video. Check out the Red Cross' Facebook Page

Follow your dreams... to where?

   I consider myself to be a very motivated person.  I am not shy about wanting something and going after it with all my might, even if it doesn’t seem logical or healthy at first. A good percentage of my life online is spent reading/watching/following people who are passionate about things and aren’t afraid of pursuing what they love, some of them at a dubiously young age.  When I see those people I think “wow, great! I’m like that! So if I don’t give up I too can be successful!”

   Problem is, I don’t know what I’m passionate about. Or what I want to do. Feels like I’m drawing a bow and aiming really hard, at a target that doesn’t exist. I’m not scared of hard work, I thrive on it in fact, I just don’t know towards what or where to direct that hard work. 

   A few posts ago, I responded to Bryarly Bishop’s post about this sort of thing; what dogoal oriented people do when there is no clear defined goal? And here I am struggling with it over and over again. I have just landed a shiny new job, which on the second day I’ve grown to hate. I don’t make enough money, I don’t feel stimulated intellectually or creatively and yet there’s nothing better on the horizon so I’m gonna stay.

It would be easy for me to leave, look for another job, start my own thing. Pursue the career I’ve always wanted. Except for knowing what that is. If I go back as far as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a writer, a scientist, a lawyer, a producer, a diplomat amongst many other things. Now at the ripe age of 22 with the world ahead of me, wind beneath my wings and the power of the internet to keep me cruising, I don’t know where I want to go.

It is a little frustrating to see 19 year old YouTubers with defined careers and a growing empire, because they had the guts to do what they wanted and are good enough to make money out of it. Do I want to be a YouTuber then? Not really.

What should be an easy thing becomes so complicated. I should know this. Its a test about me and I don’t have the answers. It's like when people want to give advice about your life and they say "just be yourself", well newsflash if I knew who "myself"was I wouldn't need to ask for your advice! So for now I’ll stick with being an executive assistant and I’ll hate waking up every morning. At some point I’ll figure it out what it is I love to do, right?

M.